|Romney in his "Early Morning Tea" attire|
Mitt Romney was very confused this morning when, instead of stepping on a plane to go see the popular "Hunger Games" with his family, he was instead hurried to one of his five Cadillacs. The confusion was only confounded when they pulled into the local AMC Multiplex theater.
"I just couldn't understand where we were going," Romney said of what had happened later. "I had honestly thought my family and I had been kidnapped."
Romney informed us that he had thought that the "Hunger Games" was, in fact, a sport in Africa run by warlord Josef Kony.
"I had seen the ads on the internet," he started. "The popularity coincided so I thought that must be what all the fuss was about."
|The actual "Hunger Games" is a novel by Suzanne Collins. Note the lack of Kony|
When we asked him to comment on what he thought happened at these African "Hunger Games", he said that he "believed that Kony brought starving children to an arena, armed them, and made them fight to the death for food." This then led our reporters to ask why, exactly, it was he had wanted to see something so atrocious.
"Part of being a politician is that you want to go with the flow of the American people," Romney began, "and the American people were very much into the Hunger Games."
"I was wondering why I had never seen it on TV," Romney said. "After all, I do have the platinum package."
Moreso than anything else presented in this article, people reacted very unfavorably to Romney's cable package, citing it as yet another reason why he is "out of touch" with the American people.