Obama Threatens Putin With "Slight Tap on His Rear", While EU, More Cautious, Pushes for "Lengthy Time Out"

Growing Divide Between Western Attitudes on Punishing Petulant Putin. 

President Obama on the phone with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who, despite having called Putin "not in his right mind", seeks to not use any punishment which could hurt his frail mentality while he grows up.

WASHINGTON - President Obama issued an executive order on Wednesday outlining the steps that the U.S. was going to take to hurt Russia for their invasion of the sovereign nation of Ukraine. 

In it was a clear sign that Obama planned to be strict with Russian President Putin, and called for an escalation in punitive measures. 

"...Due to Russia not signaling that they seek to ease tensions, despite our repeated warnings and plea's, I believe it is in our nations best interest to give Putin a spanking, without a rod, switch, or other object, to take corrective measures."

Obama made it clear that the spanking was not to be done out of anger, associates say.

"President Obama doesn't believe that spanking in anger will help," said Secretary of State John Kerry in a later conference. "You need to spank because you need them to understand that what they have done is wrong. Putin needs to understand that."

Meanwhile, America's European partners were decidedly less enthusiastic about using such harsh measurements.

"Spanking doesn't do anything except to make the recipient afraid of you," said French President Hollande. "We need to be careful and make sure that we do not hurt Putin's personality moving forward."

Angela Merkel in Germany expressed similar concerns.

"We would propose that a time out is a better method," Merkel said. "Spanking is known to do more harm than good. Time outs will allow Putin to think about what he has done."

The division in tactics is exposing the rift between different methods of handing such an angry upstart like Putin. Europe, for their part, have expressed that they just don't want to get hurt in the situation.

"It will hurt me alot more than it will hurt Putin," said Merkel on Putin getting spanked. 

After their conversation, Obama was seen taking a sip from a flask outside of his room in Brussels. 

"He needs to be taught a lesson," he said angrily, almost forcefully. "She never lets me punish him. He needs to learn this isn't okay. It's just a damn tap on his rear."

Before leaving, Merkel was seen purchasing candy to give Putin for "positive reinforcement" if he does something good, claiming it works better than negative reinforcement.