Ron Paul to Explain to Neoconservatives The Physics of Fences

A fence. Notice how only one side is a solid.

Texas Congressman and Presidential Candidate Ron Paul has been getting a lot of press recently, from interviews to articles about his groundbreaking economic plan. A line of his from a recent debate, however, seems to not want to go away - a line concerning his stance on a border fence, where he states that fences can also be used to "keep us in."

Neo-conservatives have taken a particular disfavor to this view, them being particularly interested in building a fence on the border to keep out illegal immigrants. Mocking Dr. Paul's views, they have been quick to dismiss his views as conspiracy and foolish.

The argument, however, is less about politics and more about the science of the physics behind fences, says renowned physicist Charles Shoutjammer.

"The thing Dr. Paul fails to understand is that fences are a phenomenon in physics," he stated, leaning back into his magnetic chair. "One side of the fence is impenetrable. No illegals will get through. The other side, however, is porous - fluid, even. Americans can simply walk through just like they can now."

A physicist who supports Paul has a different view, which he thinks Paul needs to get across to the people due to it being the right view. "It's irresponsible to believe that one side of the fence is fluid," he states. "A fence is a solid that keeps people out from both sides. Dr. Paul is right that it can keep people in, particularly when being monitored by police or some sort of authority."

"Build bridges not fences."

The American people seem to be a bit confused on the subject. Although they, by a wide margin, support Paul's view on the physics of fences, many of them refuse to acknowledge that they could possibly kept in by one.

"A fence would never keep Americans in," says John Cryton, an Arizona resident. "The government would make sure that we can always get through that fence as long as we are a citizen, no matter who we are or where we are going. I want to have a fence built."

Herman Cain, one of Ron Paul's opponents, was seen running into a fence repeatedly to prove Shoutjammer's point. Although immediately unable to breach through the fluid side, Cain was confident that "science would prevail against Paul's ignorance."

Shoutjammer, despite scientists calling him crazy, has considerable support among neoconservative groups. "What can I say, I speak the truth," he said loudly before snorting some cocaine. "Fucking fences brah."

The Paul campaign's only comment was: "Look at your damn fence in your yard and tell me it doesn't also keep stuff in."