Herman Cain Announces "007" Plan for Foreign Policy: Cites Nintendo 64 as Influence

A Herman Cain President has a License to Kill

Most Americans, or at least GOP primary voters, are by now accustomed to Herman "The Hermanator" Cain's economic plan - namely, 9-9-9. But tonight, Lulzington Post has an exclusive look at the Hermanator's newest numerical nomenclature: his "007 Plan" for US Foreign Policy.

To a crowd of raucous supporters in Tennessee, Cain announced his plan at a frat party around 1 A.M. ET, immediately upon completing a game of "Goldeneye: 007" on his Nintendo 64 Console. 

"This plan represents a huge shift in American foreign policy," Cain started. "Too long have we tiptoed around like the rest of the world matters. When you look at James Bond, one of the greatest men in history, he was not afraid to make hard choices and kill without remorse to make sure that the mission is complete. I am here to tell everyone tonight, America should be just like James Bond."

"We shouldn't be afraid to blow some motha' fucka's up," Cain shouted at the end of his speech to loud shouts from the frat boys. "I mean Bond was one man and literally saved the world like a thousand times. By that logic, the United States should be able to save the world...a number of times that I don't wish to calculate at this moment."

Included in this plan are a few policies that he hopes to pass through Congress:

• All Americans after the age of 18 can apply for a "license to kill" (pending no previous felonies). This license is only valid in foreign countries or when doing it "for England."
• All bars required to serve ONLY Martinis (Gin, not Vodka) which are "Shaken, Not Stirred" for at least three days a week.
• 7% increase in spending towards scientific research in the hopes to "get some God damn James Bond cars for our boys in Afghanalanistanistan. Or whatever it's called."
• Immediate research emphasis placed on finding the so-called "golden gun" as well as the "Goldeneye Defense Grid".
• A demand that "Alec Trevelyan must shut the door, because there is a God damn draft. And I know he in on that shit anyway from the first time I seen him."

The Press was quick to question Cain on this policies, particularly considering his 999 plan has recently received scrutiny for being stolen from the game Sim City. Cain replied with a large belch and a hearty laugh before marching off with the frat boys.

Before we left, Cain started talking about his up -and- coming plans yet to be released, including a "Hyrule" plan, which he began to describe as the "only way to defeat Ganondorf", as well as a "Toadstool" plan that he said would help guide the country out of the recession by placing small, semi-opaque mushroom men in people's homes as a means of government communication for advice.