The newest edition outlaws the "Green"cards, citing "illegal immigrant influence".
Herman Cain has taken a month off from campaigning to promote his book, but that didn't stop him from showing up at Tuesday Night's CNN Presidential Debate to have his "9-9-9" plan dissected by the other candidates in the field. Mitt Romney hit his plan hard, citing that some states would have to pay a Federal Sales Tax on top of a State Sales Tax, to which in reply Cain took the opportunity to distinguish the difference between "Apples and Oranges." Although seemingly out of the blue, this arboreal analogy seemed to hit home with the American voter, who was becoming increasingly confused with the difference between these two mainstream fruit.
"I wish he had covered more the difference between Clemetines and Oranges," said Jake Llama, who was present at the debate. "I think that the line between apples and oranges is clear. Blurred, but clear."
"Romney talking about the bucket full of apples and oranges at the same times was just confusing," said Sally Fiat, also at the debate. "It's bad enough to have apples, but oranges too? That is surely over the daily required dose of fiber."
Cain may not have been able to successfully defend his positions on apples to oranges against relentless attacks by the other candidates, nor could he when a successful attack by Ron Paul highlighted his naivety in dealing with the economic crisis, but something good did come from the debate for Mr. Cain: Mattel, world renown toy-maker, approached Mr. Cain with a deal to begin producing a new edition of their hit board game "Apples to Apples" in honor of the presidential candidate. Even better, Herman Cain has agreed.
"This is a business partnership which I believe can really help both Mattel and Herman Cain in the long run," a Mattel spokesman said on the deal. "Mattel can reap the rewards of being connected to an immensely popular candidate, and Mr. Cain can say that he was justified in his analogy in the debate."
Herman Cain: "Oranges require peeling, whilst for apples this is optional."
Cain is in agreement with Mattel's sentiments. "When I made those comparisons Tuesday night nobody knew what I was talking about," Cain started, "but now they will know full well what I mean." The Cain Edition of Apples to Apples is said to replace the traditional Red and Green cards with Black and Orange cards. The Orange to represent oranges, while Cain says that black is "just his favorite color."
We asked Cain to elaborate on what he meant by his analogy the other night. He replied: "Look. Apples come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some are more sweet, some more bitter. Some several colors at once, and they all kind of look like pears. All oranges are orange. Some more yellow looking, but they are all orange. Oranges require peeling, whilst for apples this is optional. Peeling an apple is, frankly, counter productive because that is where all of the nutrients are." Cain's ability to orate the true differences between apples and oranges is a testament to his vehement support, who clearly also believe that apples cannot be compared to oranges.
We asked a natural scientist, Daniel Peabody, his opinion on the matter, and it differed significantly from Cain's. "I spent my whole life surrounded by apples and oranges, and I can tell you right now they are comparable. They are both fruit. They are both sweet and contain some citric acid. They can both be used in a fruit salad. Really, there are more differences than Cain will admit, and far more complexities to the matter. He doesn't even acknowledge that some people eat oranges with the peel still on."
So, has Cain's "Applegate" become another "9-9-9", on oversimplification of a complicated problem? Cain had this to say in reply: "I am a man who presents solutions to problems. Americans are confused, as they should be. I want to alleviate that confusion and replace it with Herman Cain."
The Apple Farmer's Guild of America did not reply immediately for comment.
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